Things that make you go Hmmm...
Funeralcare Magazine
1 December 2022
Hmmm. Why, when I’m rarely lost for words, do they fail me when I sit down to write this column? Is it time to resign the boffin to the coffin? Maybe.
As I ponder whether to whip the thumbscrews out for the last time, I reflect on a journey that started more than six Christmases ago, when I was a FDANZ rep on the Funeralcare editorial board. Twenty-six columns ago, my object was to tackle technology issues and muse on the value of technology in the funeral industry. Technology has become such a huge part of our lives, both working and social, that it seems less a subject on its own than it once did, and more another essential skill that we need to continue to develop.
Keeping pace with technology was one of the biggest challenges we faced back in 2016. Without a doubt, being forced through necessity to embrace new technologies at the height of the pandemic four years later cured many of us of a pervasive technophobia. These days our technophobia is limited to the fear we feel during a funeral service when the technology fails to behave as it should.
What else has the pandemic changed for us? The focus on our health and wellbeing saw us staying home when unwell. That was a biggie. Who would have thought? Throwing the spotlight on self-care might reveal our biggest challenge for the coming years.
Here I pause for a long and thoughtful Hmmm. Why is it that, in an industry in which compassion rules, we are often spectacularly bad at looking after ourselves and each other?
The suck-it-up culture is not unique to funeral service, but that it exists at all in our line of work should surprise. It is difficult to fathom just why the need for constructive outlets is considered soft, and why those wishing to take advantage of debriefing or clinical supervision are considered weak. A recent comment from a colleague really sticks in my mind: “If we feel safe in our teams, we debrief with them.” If.
Hmmm. Every day, every week, every month, every year, skilled and capable funeral directors walk away from jobs they love. Amongst those who stay put, we need not look far to see alcoholism, drug abuse, social withdrawal, inappropriate relationships, suicide survivors and those who did not amongst our cohort. These unfortunately common behaviours are not stress management. We need to open the door to better alternatives.
Change is hard. But aversion to change can cripple our industry. It can lead to the rejection of new standards, and the undermining of new ideas. Change is vital to keep pace with generational attitudes, and businesses can thrive only when a process of continual improvement is adopted. We need workplaces where standards are upheld, and shortfalls are addressed.
It helps if these things filter down from the top, but all is not lost if they do not. Some leaders lead, and some are in name only. Some run to catch up. Some are happy to be overtaken. Some run in the opposite direction. Importantly though, we can introduce change individually. Each one of us can make a difference. By believing in best practice, by looking out for our colleagues, by looking out for ourselves. Often, we put others first. But consider this: If you don’t care for yourself, you lose the capacity to care for others.
It really is all about you. And it’s not hard. Recognising that you need to look after yourself may be the hardest part. The next is taking the first step. Someone wise once said that discipline will take you places motivation can’t. It takes a bit of both to keep on top of our own health and wellbeing, and to balance the three aspects of holistic health: mind – our mental and emotional wellbeing, body – our physical health and fitness, and spirit – our connection with nature, faith and culture.
As luck would have it, technology can help with both discipline and motivation, across all holistic health aspects. Well, it wouldn’t be a technology column without technology now, would it? Because where we go our phones go too, these helpful self-care apps can all be downloaded from Google’s Play Store for Android, or Apple’s App Store.
groov is a home-grown self-care app and supporting website co-founded by Sir John Kirwan and Adam Clark. The app includes a wealth of wellbeing resources and mini-podcasts, many just a minute long.
If you like to write, this is just one of many journalling apps available.
Helps you to fall asleep faster and feel more rested when you wake up. A (literally) refreshing change from the usual focus on how many hours a night we sleep, which is an annoyingly impractical measure for those of us on call.
Buddhify is an incredibly flexible meditation app, which allows you to choose a mediation based on what’s going on for you (waking up, experiencing strong emotion, taking a break, can’t sleep) and how much time you have (anything from four minutes to half an hour).
For those of us who like to distract ourselves by solving puzzles or logic problems, or playing memory games, this app tracks progress while giving you feedback on your strengths, weaknesses, and cognitive patterns.
As someone prone to calling my to-do list my to-don’t list, this one intrigued me, and didn’t disappoint. It works for those of us who procrastinate by encouraging procrastination of bad habits and things we don’t want to accomplish. May appeal if you recognise the phrase I-was-going-to-do-it-but-then-you-suggested-it.
Hmmm. It may not be all beer and skittles, but you’re doing a great job. Look after yourself.